census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
