which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
