You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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