Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
