Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
