just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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