Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
