I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
