Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
