she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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