So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
