Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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