Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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