This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
