There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
