I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
