so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
