I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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