I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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