Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
