whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
BRING THE BAGELS
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
