just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
