why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
