I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
