How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
