I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
