youre lurking in front of me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
