Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
