I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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