What did we do last night that was yellow?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Randomize
