May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
one two three fourrrrnication!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
