Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
