that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
