no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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