I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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