I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
