I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
