walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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