I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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