your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize