he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
