Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
