Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
