thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
