I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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