i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
farters have to be the big spoon...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
