I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
