every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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