how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
