***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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