I need help removing her.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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