he thought i was a dude.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
