Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
