Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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