you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
FUCK WHALES
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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