remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize