and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize