I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
