I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
