They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
