if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
