you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
