tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
