I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
