ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
